In the holy name of Pegasus have I been through it these last weeks.
Kat wrenched me away from my lush green grassy home and best friends, Macy and Tiger, and dumped me in a small patch of barren wasteland down at the Farm.
When I asked why in the blazing green grasses was she doing this to me, she said I was too overweight and needed some time in the Weight Watchers field.
My first days in Weight Watchers are a blur – I think I was in shock. Not only was I being starved, but I could see my field in the distance and hear my friends calling me.
My security and safety had been wrenched away from me – by my trusted human! – and I was left reeling with anxiety and uncertainty.
Things started to look up when Tia joined Weight Watchers. I have been out on training sessions with Tia and her human Jeff, so I already knew her. She is so nice that I quickly elevated her to Aunty status, alongside Tills.
Aunty Tia really helped settle my nerves and get me focused on the challenging task of finding a decent meal from the hoof sized scrap of earth I’d been deposited on.
However, when Kat started taking me away from Tia to do some training, I got my fetlocks in a real old twist. I could hear Tia shouting me this time but I couldn’t see or get to her either!
What kind of punishment is this now I thought as all self-control slipped away from me? Continually being taken away from my friends, my home, my new Aunty, my herd, my safety, my patch of wasteland?
Kat insisted on taking me away from Aunty Tia over and over though and eventually I realised that I was okay, I survived and would always get back to her at some point.
This whole experience has made me realise I am not really the girl about the field I thought I was. I am still very young and inexperienced, with much to learn.
Since this realisation, we have been joined by a third member of Weight Watchers, Freckles.
This is me welcoming her. I think she’s a regular member and a pro in finding a good square meal from a bare patch of earth.
There’s more though…
On top of all this, I’ve had horse hay fever, making it hard for me to breath properly.
The human called Vet came to see me and gave me some medicine. Vet also tried to put the stick up my bum again, but I was ready this time. The serious level of clamping and clenching I was able to produce left her in no doubt that that area of my physiology was not open for business. Literally.
My breathing is now back to normal but I do have to wear this ridiculous nose net to stop something called Pollen getting into my tubes and clogging them up again.
Big Col in the field next to ours does provide a welcome respite from the starvation and annoying head gear – he is very handsome and knows it.
His human says he thinks he’s The Dog’s Bollocks. I have no idea why he is likened to the anatomy of my canine foes, but something tells me she’s got a point.
This is Big Col demonstrating his canine credentials.
When all is neighed and munched, I am really looking forward to getting back to my lovely grassy home and herd up the hill but I think my time at Weight Watchers will be an important experience – one that will hopefully decrease my size as much as it increases my wisdom.
I wonder what Macy and Tiger will make of this new slimmed down grown up version of me!!