Tresemmed Tills

For the first time in a long time I saw Tills today. We’d been kept apart because of the human loo roll crisis.

Apparently Sara and Kat weren’t allowed to see each other because they weren’t from the same herd.

Good thing if you ask me. All kinds of plans get plotted when they’re together. Usually focused around the toil and strife of me and Tills.

It was great to see Aunty Tills; I’d missed her! And, wow, did she look good! All buffed and silky shiny.

I was in complete awe and immediately wanted to know how she’d achieved this classy, chic girl about the field look.

Tills said her human, Sara, had Tresemmed her. Well, I have no idea what that is, but I want some. The idea of my abundance of tangled locks being so silky smooth and lustrous is just super.

Here’s Tilly’s Tresemmed tail. Look at that bounce!

Here I am admiring her.

I wonder if Kat would do this for me?

I did enjoy a fun half hour this morning letting her run round after me before I allowed myself to be caught. Perhaps I need to reconsider this kind of behaviour if I want to be Tresemmed like Tills…?

Anyway, seeing Tills, plus an abundance of roadside Dandelions, made our session today just about bearable.

Tills is very adept at being able to grab and munch on the go and she certainly came off many more Dandelions the happier than me today. I just seem to grab mouthfuls of fresh air instead…

As you can see below however, I took full advantage of an ‘official’ grab and munch stop.

UPDATE: Since writing the above, Kat has Tresemmed my tail!!! Check me out below.

I was very pleased until she said it was a good job my tail was so voluminous as my bum would look monstrous otherwise.

Can someone find me a new human please?

Until next time.

GMFN

Fx

Haribo Fields Forever

Three words.  Sweet Spring Grass.  

It’s my favourite time of year – no cold, no flies, just an endless sugar hit.

Not only does it taste mouth-wateringly amazing but, after a long hard Winter, every bit of my physiology is shouting ‘eat up all this goodness and don’t stop for anything – especially your human!’

Who am I to ignore such a direct instruction from Mother Nature?

Attempting to entice me away from this feast to embark on any amount of toil and effort for human entertainment is simply absurd.

Despite this, Kat is insisting we carry on with our training schedule – unfortunately these have now resumed after the welcome break due to the human loo roll crisis.

She says that I need to go back to work because my Winter field of Broccoli has turned into a Spring field of Haribo and it’s making me too round and too naughty.  

I have no idea what she’s on about. Although, I did bite her bum the other day – right cheek to be precise.

If I’m going to be dragged away from my so called ‘Haribo field’ and asked to flout a direct instruction from Nature herself, then I need to be asked politely.  Several times.  Probably over the course of about 20 minutes.  Or maybe 30. Depending on what day of the week it is of course.  With the proviso that I may still just refuse. 

Kat, however, is showing an exasperating amount of determination and patience. She loiters about, trailing after me and being so irritatingly persistent that I am completely put off my feasting. Often, I have to let her catch me, simply to stop the persecution.

This is an example of her harrassment.

Busy right now, you’ll have to wait.
Nope, still busy. Please stop following me.
Seriously? I’ve told you I’m not ready yet!
This is actually harassment now. Bugger off.
Okay, let’s get this over with so I can get back to my Haribo in peace.

See what I have to put up with?

Luckily for Kat, I’m the good-natured, easy going Cob I am. She’d be having all kinds of trouble with me otherwise…..

GMFN

Fx

Great Escapes

Because of the loo roll crisis Kat has been spending more time just hanging out with me in the field.

As a bonus, I’ve been finding out more about the trail riding journeys she has planned for us. Any bonus stops at enlightenment, I might add.

Rather alarmingly, Kat wants to go on long journeys for days on end (or even weeks!) where we travel all day and stay out all night. She says they will be her Great Escape from the hurly burly of modern human life.

I rather like the journeys I do already – from the grass, to the water trough, to the hay and back to the grass. Throw in a stop on the way for some mutual grooming with my pals and it’s time to hit the shade for a doze.

Life is tiring enough without all this journey business

Apparently, humans also embark on such journeys to try and find themselves. I reminded Kat she was right next to me in my field so there was really no need for all the toil and hardship.

She said it was my fault she wanted to spend so much time with me because I offered peace and calm – something that isn’t readily available in the human world.

Well honestly, humans can be a bit dense at times.

If they only managed to replace their endless noise and motion with a good dose of our peace and calm, not only would they stop interfering with the balance of the planet but, they might be able to discover that elusive thing known as Themselves.

No arduous journey required. I get to stay at home and enjoy the quality grassy munchies I’m accustomed to. Job done.

Maybe an increase in my peace and calm dosage might give Kat the escape and discovery she wants without all this journey nonsense.

I will need to be a bit nicer to her, but I can work on that – a sacrifice for the greater good.

GMFN

F x

Pampering and Poles

So, it appears the human loo roll crisis has changed into something more serious. Now humans can’t even leave their homes unless it’s for essential business.

Luckily, Kat visiting me once a day with my grassy munchies is classed as essential, because there’s no one else to do it.

Although the loo roll crisis is difficult for humans, I seem to have come out of it rather peachy.

Training has been replaced with endless pampering sessions in the sunshine and visits to the big building with sand on the floor for some silly antics over poles.

This is the result of one of my pampering sessions.

Look at me! Aren’t I the swanky girl about the field? I just love the way it bounces against my neck when I’m running.

As well as new hairdos, Kat’s been spending a lot of time scratching my favourite itchy spots. I’ve got a lot – my entire hairy body really. Turns out human fingernails are superior to horses’ teeth when it comes to grooming. Who knew?

I’ve also been going to the building with sand on the floor where there are lots of poles on the ground. Kat walks by my side and uses Horse talk (body language) to tell me which direction we’re going in and which poles to step over.

She does put a head-collar on me that’s linked to her hand by a long line, but she doesn’t use any pressure to guide me. I wish she would to be honest – it’s exhausting trying to understand her inept version of Horse. Shoddy is all I can say.

You what now?

When we’ve practised this a bit, she’s going to take the head-collar off and I’m meant to walk by her side, going everywhere she does. Really? Can’t see it myself.

Once free of the head-collar my plan is (obviously) to go straight to the door of the big building with sand on the floor and request permission to immediately leave. Who wouldn’t?

Can I go now please?

I’m not convinced about the weird pole stuff and the less said about Kat’s slapdash efforts with Horse the better – but the pampering gets a big hooves up from me.

In fact, I’m sure Kat and I would become firm friends if she was prepared to drop this silly riding business in favour of a daily full body groom and weekly new hair style.

Modelling the swanky chic look

GMFN

Fx

The Loo Roll Crisis

So, here’s a turn up for the hoof. On our training session today Tills and I discovered we might not be going on our trail riding holiday in May.

Apparently, there’s some kind of human crisis in the world and it’s got something to do with loo rolls.

So, instead of going on holiday and riding us all day, every day for 3 whole days, turns out the plan is to stay at home – and ride us all day, every day, for 3 whole days.

And, instead of carrying their underwear and toothpaste we are going to be carrying their food. If the lengthy deliberations on what to take are anything to go by, there will be much of it.

Anyone would think they’re using food to make up for the disappointment of not going on holiday… Who would do that?

They’re also planning on bringing G & T to these holiday substitute day rides. I don’t know who G & T are, but I reckon our group of 4 is fine how it is. Then I found out G & T could fit in the saddle bags, so they must be really small. I just hope they don’t cause us any bother – me and Tills have enough to cope with already with our humans.

Eventually Kat and Sara had to stop wittering on about food and riding us into the ground, and just focus on riding us – it was cold and blustery, so Tills and I were on high alert.

You can see my blond locks being blown about below.

The noise of the wind always pushes us closer to flight mode in case it stops us hearing predators creeping up. Then the leaves and branches blowing around need closer inspection than usual – just to make sure they’re the only thing moving about.

On this blustery outing we also went past the Donkey Derby field. This is where two cheeky Donkeys like to run along the fence line of their field while me and Tills go past.

I haven’t got any photos of them to show you as Kat is always too busy trying to stop me joining in the Derby. It’s quite fun as it’s a very long field…

This is Tills having a good drink while we’re out. Drinking from puddles is a key criteria for being a fully qualified trail riding horse. I personally avoid them – wouldn’t want to encourage Kat too much.

So, the loo roll crisis. Apparently, humans won’t be able to hang out with each other but they’re okay being with their animals (shame, a nice sabbatical from training would have been lovely).

Humans have also stopped using the big metal birds for travel and there isn’t as much human goings on in general.

Horses are deeply intertwined with nature and we can feel her breathing a sigh of relief for this temporary pause in human activity.

In-fact, we can just feel her breathing.

Stay safe and well humans – we need you for our soggy grassy munchies.

GMFN

F x

The Goo Factor

The male human that can talk Horse visited recently. He told Kat I wasn’t gooey enough on the inside and we need to work on improving my goo factor.

Now, he’s not making much sense here in Horse or Human language, so I’d better explain.

Gooey means soft. There is no question about my softness on the outside with my wonderful abundance of silky hair. When it comes to Kat and humans though apparently, I’m lacking softness on the inside.

Softness on the inside of a horse is a wonderful mix of calm and total trust with our human. We are happy to offer all of ourselves willingly without any resistance. When both horse and human are soft together true magic can be achieved. It’s an overwhelming feeling of pure connection and peace for both.

This is what Ross, the horse talker, means with gooey on the inside.

I’m not completely sure why I’m not gooey on the inside. I think it’s because I’ve never had a human listen to me before or ask my permission to do things with me.

I usually go along with what humans ask of me anyway as that’s the kind of good-natured, stoic Cob I am. It would be nice to be asked sometimes though. Plus, the difference of going along with things grudgingly or gooily is huge.

Kat and Echo were a big gooey puddle together. Ross thinks Kat perhaps isn’t gooey enough with me either because she’s still missing Echo too much and not giving me all of herself.

A high goo factor

To help increase my goo factor Ross is teaching Kat to speak and understand Horse. She should then know if I’m ready and relaxed enough to do what she’s asking and if I’m doing it gooily instead of grudgingly.

If she can help me improve my goo, perhaps hers will as well.

For my first lesson I had to follow Ross and Kat by reading their body language. Ross spoke clear Horse so that was easy whereas Kat just mumbled and was a bit rubbish. I think Ross will sort her out though.

  • trail horse ground work
 

My only concern with this plan is they are cutting out my treats so they know I’m not faking gooeyness for the sake of a few hay cobs, (to be fair, I would do this).

I am however 6 now, so I’ve decided to be very grown up and work with them to try and increase my goo factor.

Back-up plan though if all fails is obviously the faking it.

GMFN

F x

Wobbly Bottom

Well, my days with Kat just keep getting stranger and stranger.

She put this blue coat on me the other morning.

Do I look good in this blue coat? No, I look bloody ridiculous!

Kat said rain was forecast and my own coat needed to be dry as someone called Physiotherapist was coming to check my back.

We horses need our backs checking now and again because we aren’t designed to carry humans and it can sometimes make us sore. The only thing we would be unlucky enough to carry on our backs in the wild is a lion – before it drags us down for dinner.

Physiotherapist felt all over my neck, back and general bum vicinity (yes, I know).

I was starting to feel all nice and sleepy when I heard the words ‘wobbly bottom’.

Physiotherapist was saying the left side of my bum wasn’t as wobbly as the right side and they both needed to be equally wobbly. I was just starting to quite like her.

I always thought I was the proud owner of a peachy, pert posterior. To discover it’s not only wobbly, but uneven in it’s wobbliness, is pretty shattering.

See any wobble?

Then she pressed all around the none wobbly left side until she was satisfied it had reached an equal level of wobbliness to the right side.

Then – and you’re not going to believe this – she showed Kat how to do a wobble test on the left side – just to make sure it didn’t lose any of its new found wobbliness.

I was an ergot away from retreating to my happy place, where these insults couldn’t reach me, when Kat put my mind to rest.

She said wobbly was good as it meant my muscles were nicely relaxed and working properly. Not wobbly meant they were too tight and needed releasing a bit. Then she reassured me my bottom was perfectly peachy, wobbly or not.

Just when I was starting to get all sleepy again, Physiotherapist told Kat I might need some schooling. What? Why? I don’t think I’ve been overly naughty lately?

Apparently, the schooling she means is going round and round in circles and other fun (yes, again, I know) shapes in the building with sand on the floor.

Kat did promise Physiotherapist she would do this but the look on her face said differently. She prefers straight lines in the great outdoors, like me.

Once all the rubbing, massaging and general wobbling was done, this very strange afternoon was rounded off in a nice way. Physiotherapist showed Kat how to do some stretching exercises – with treats!

Every day I have to stretch 5 times on each side of my body and be justly rewarded with a hay cob when I try really hard.

I’m going to be trying really, really hard. A lot.

GMFN

F x

Horse Talk

A man visited me recently with Kat. He’s called Ross and he can talk Horse.

It’s a blessed relief to be honest as Kat can’t. Well, not my version of Horse. I speak Pure Horse.

Pure Horse is the subtle body language that only horses, other prey animals and a handful of humans can speak and understand.

The wrinkling of a nose or the twitch of an ear is as clear as day to us, but way too understated for many other species, including humans.

Infact, the whole purpose of Pure Horse is that predators can’t understand us. No real surprise humans struggle.

Echo told me Pure Horse was no good with Kat so she used a more direct, simple version called Beginner Horse. This version gives clearer signals including affection for getting things right and unadulterated fury for getting them wrong. She said it worked a treat with Kat.

Kat obviously got it right this time.

I don’t think there’s a picture of her getting it wrong – she was probably too occupied with running away.

Anyway, turns out Ross is going to help me and Kat understand each other better. I can already understand Human so he’s going to teach her Pure Horse. Hurrah, I’ll finally get to tell her all my gripes.

The body language of people is what we horses call Human. Horses understand Human completely. Unfortunately most humans seem to have no idea what their body is saying – to us or each other.

Learning Pure Horse would help humans not only understand our subtle body language but also their own.

If a human’s body language is tense we will be tense. If a human’s body language is soft and relaxed, we will be. You could call us an emotional mirror.

Apparently, this is why we are sometimes used for therapy – to help troubled humans understand what they are feeling.

We horses really are the gift that just keeps on giving aren’t we!

Perhaps there should be a National Horse Appreciation week. When Kat can understand Pure Horse I’ll suggest it.

In the meantime, she’s got some work to do…

GMFN

Fx

The Beast of Burden and her Saddle Tramp

Apparently Tilly and I are going on a trail riding adventure holiday in, what our humans call, May.

Kat says I am a trail riding horse and this is my purpose. I personally don’t see why I can’t just chill my hoofs in the field with my pals, but Kat says all horses have to work for their grassy munchies.

Tilly and I are going to travel in the sweat box on wheels to get to a place called Rushup – I wonder if we have to run very quickly up hill to get to it?

This is where we’re staying. Not sure where our humans will be.

Then we have to carry our humans and all their belongings for 3 long days. For their amusement.

I know. Why doesn’t she just rename me her ‘Beast of Burden’ and be done with it? You can probably tell, my hairy feathers are extremely ruffled about all this.

Is this to be my fate?

Couldn’t they just get one of our Donkey or Mule cousins to carry all their human stuff? There’re much better at this kind of thing than us horses. Also, less forgiving so Kat would need to behave herself. That could be fun.

However, what alarms me the most is where in all the blazing green grasses are my soggy grassy munchie supplies and hay cob treats going to go?

I blatantly refuse to go through this level of toil and strife unless I am amply rewarded. A lot. Every hour I would say.

I did suggest to Kat that she could walk – on her feet, on the ground – carrying her own stuff. I would happily walk beside her carrying my stuff (the grub). Apparently though, that is not fulfilling my purpose of trail riding horse. Meh.

Tilly seems quite accepting of all this servitude and toil. She says it’s grown up and exciting to have a few nights away from home and we will get to share a field.

She told me to stop getting my forelock in a twist and be grateful I’m not being asked to dance like the dressage horses. She’s got a point there, I do have 4 left hooves and would undoubtedly trip over my extremely hairy feathers.

She also reassured me that my substantial stoutness means I won’t even notice the extra weight – not sure if I should be happy or offended about that.

Finally, she reminded me that our humans never seem to change their clothes and are always quite disheveled. They’re clearly not typical female humans, and will probably wear everything they need, opting for the saddle tramp look. This of course should free up pack space for our essentials – food.

I can always trust Aunty Tills to make me feel better.

GMFN

F x

The Wrath of Ciara

Recently my pals and I were subjected to the full fury of Storm Ciara.

While my friends at the farm were in their boxes called stables, we were hunkered down in our field as she raged around us for a day and a night.

The thought of those snug stables did cross my mind – especially when the torrential deluge turned sideways – but my extreme hairiness and amazing physiology prevailed in the end.

Stables just aren’t really for me. I love the freedom and fresh air of outside too much – even when that air is extremely fresh and wet.

You might remember my recent experience of being in a stable was when Vet put that stick up my bum – didn’t really put me in the best frame of mind to enjoy my new surroundings. 

Despite having a great roomie for the night (one eyed Jake, who is very old and impressively hairy) I didn’t really take to pooing and weeing in my own bed – the fumes got a bit over powering somewhere around 3am.

I can’t see humans doubling their bed up as a loo, so I’m not sure why they expect us to…

I also lost my freedom of choice. I had to wait for Kat the next morning before I could move freely, eat again and talk to my pals. In the field, I can make these choices at liberty, in line with how I feel and what I need.

I think when all is neighed and munched, I really am an outdoors kind of a Cob. I wasn’t born with this extreme roundness and abundance of hair for no reason.

With a constant supply of forage, my wonderfully thick winter coat, fresh air, open space and my pals, I can keep warm, dry, healthy and happy – even in the eye of Ciara’s storm

The bacteria my gut produces from eating forage – hay in the winter – kicks starts an internal furnace and the long, slow digestion process really helps me sustain this heat.

Stoking up our furnace

There is also great natural shelter in our field with a line of trees against a stone wall. This is our hunkering down spot of choice when the weather is bad – we often while away this time swapping notes about our humans.

As well as huddling together, being able to freely move keeps my blood circulating and my body temperature toasty. Then of course there is my amazing thick winter coat that traps in body heat, provides insulation and helps keep my skin dry. 

The day Ciara came, Kat bought me an extra-large bucket of warm soggy grassy munchies which stoked up my furnace nicely. Seeing her battling through the storm, trying to stay on two feet while being pummeled with the sideways deluge, was also a welcome distraction.

Although Ciara is now spent, I think we will be hunkering down again soon when her brother Dennis descends his fury on us. Despite my amazing ability to thrive in this foul weather, I think I speak for all horses and humans when I say ‘Spring, we are now ready for you’.

GMFN

F x