The Christmas Splatter Dash

So apparently we’re coming to the end of a period of time humans called Year. But, before this, there are all kinds of nonsense and shenanigans to be had with an event called Christmas.

I’m not sure this Christmas malarky is going to be good for me though. According to Tills, humans have far too much spare time during Christmas and invariably want to spend it bothering their horses. They also expect us to carry them after they have gorged on too much food for seven solid days. The lack of consideration is simply astonishing.

I think some humans also ‘check-in’ with their human god a bit more during Christmas. We’re in contact with our lord Pegasus pretty regularly, usually asking if humans can try harder to meet our basic needs of endless quality forage, wide open spaces and to not break our herd bonds.

He helps Tills and myself pretty well with this but I can’t seem to get his support on changing Kat’s preference for arduous day long trail riding sessions to short foraging ambles.

Because the human loo roll crisis is still happening, I don’t think the Christmas shenanigans will reach their usual levels this time. However, Tills and I did have to participate in some nonsense on our training session today.

Before we left we were adorned with some bright sparkly itchy stuff called tinsel and our humans wrapped themselves in some as well. Here is Tilly showing off her tinsel bling before we left.

Tinsel Bling

So far this Winter we’ve had trough loads of rain and the tracks we go running on are very muddy. Perfect conditions for the splatter dash game!! Which is pretty much as it sounds. We dash and splatter – our humans.

I got good and proper up Till’s bum before we set off running and she sent a wonderful wallop of splatter onto Kat’s face. I cleverly made sure my hoof boots got sucked off in the mud so we’d have to go back to the beginning of the run to find them, meaning we’d have to do the splatter dash again!! This time we agreed I’d go in front and see if we could improve the splatter count with my dinner plate feet – and we did!!

Much to our surprise however, Sara was very happy with her new pebble-dashed look and decided she would keep it on for the whole day.


From that point on our humans just laughed the whole way home and we gave up trying to foil them – see what I mean about the Christmas nonsense.

Enjoying a respite from the nonsense with some apples we found

GMFN and a happy human Christmas

F x

PS, apparently Kat hasn’t been able to share my thoughts lately because she’s been doing a human thing called studying where she’s learning about horse behaviour. I hope she realises her real learning will continue from her one true teacher long after she’s finished this so called human endeavour.

Love is in the field

I’m just bursting with love and life at the moment.

My hay fever has gone so I can breathe easily again and I love my new field almost as much as my new friend, Jack.


I’ve never loved like this before.  It’s literally knocked me off my hooves, giving me a lust for life – and Jack – I didn’t think possible.

Unfortunately, I think my all consuming zest and zeal was partly responsible for the little incident that blotted my fetlock with Kat today on our training session.

I was skipping along the road in high spirits when a herd of cows decided to chase us in the adjacent field.

So I did what any high spirited, loved up, hairy Cob would do and took off – at high speed – using all my new found oomph to flee the killer cows and save us all.

Once I realised Tills was calmly walking some distance behind me (she may have also been tutting, but I can’t be sure) and Kat seemed more concerned about my speed than the cows, I stopped running – and started feeling slightly foolish.

Thankfully, a strange incident later on with Tills took the focus off my folly.

In the woods Tills decided to jump over a pool of water. Quite sensibly as we couldn’t see the bottom so naturally assumed it was 20 horses deep and full of hungry crocodiles.

Tills cleared the pool fabulously taking herself and her human, Sara, safely to the other side. I was so impressed!

However, at this point Sara did something very strange.  Instead of congratulating Tills on her fabulous leap of courage, she flopped off Tilly’s back and had a lie down on the ground for a few minutes.  Maybe she was tired after all the antics?

Tills did the sensible thing and took the opportunity for some grassy munchies while Sara had her little rest.

Once we were back at the field I told Jack all about it. He gave me a peck on my muzzle, told me not to worry and said I was very brave trying to save everyone from the killer cows.

We both agreed that humans can be very strange before we settled down to the serious business of grassy munchies.  Together.


I wish Kat would remove my hay fever net so I could get some proper nose on nose action with Jack.


F x




Moving Conversations

I think I am starting to connect with my human. There could be two reasons for this.

1. Working together in the building with sand on the floor has really improved our communication.


2. She’s the only thing that holds promise of a half decent meal while I’m being left to starve in the barren lands of Weight Watchers.

Time will tell which it is when my belly is full again!

In the sand building Kat uses her body to tell me where we need to turn, when to stop, what to step over and what speed to do it. She has to fully concentrate and focus on what she’s asking as much as I have to listen, understand and do.

On a good day we can have a clear and continual conversation about how, when and where we are going to move, together.

She makes a great fuss of me when I listen well and try my hardest. It’s only verbal treating at the moment but I’m hoping it will move on to something more acceptable in time.

In the beginning I really didn’t like the sand building. We horses feel safer when we can see all around and far into the distance – living on a hill is ideal! We can fling all our senses out far and wide to check if there are any approaching dangers.

I can’t see anything when I’m in the sand building. I can only hear noises and let my flight animal imagination do the rest.

As I couldn’t rule out the noises being dangerous – and always believing it’s best to be alive than dead – I kept myself good and ready for flight mode.

Kat would say I charged around at high speed, not listening to a word she said and making a dive for the door every time we passed it…. she’s not wrong to be fair.

I’ve really progressed from that now. I feel calm and purposeful inside the building and can put all my effort into trying to understand Kat – I need it really, she can be a bit woolly.

This is our recent session with Ross, the man who can talk horse.

I did get my feathers in a fine old twist when I couldn’t understand what Kat was asking me to do. Then again, I don’t think she really knew either so I won’t get so worried about it next time.

I wasn’t sure how these new training sessions would help our trail riding but Kat said they would improve our trust in each other, especially when we’re away from home, and help make me strong so I can carry her all day, every day.

I was hoping she’d forgotten about that to be honest.

For now, I’m really looking forward to going back home next week – to Macy and Tiger and finally some decent grassy munchies !


F x

Tresemmed Tills

For the first time in a long time I saw Tills today. We’d been kept apart because of the human loo roll crisis.

Apparently Sara and Kat weren’t allowed to see each other because they weren’t from the same herd.

Good thing if you ask me. All kinds of plans get plotted when they’re together. Usually focused around the toil and strife of me and Tills.

It was great to see Aunty Tills; I’d missed her! And, wow, did she look good! All buffed and silky shiny.

I was in complete awe and immediately wanted to know how she’d achieved this classy, chic girl about the field look.

Tills said her human, Sara, had Tresemmed her. Well, I have no idea what that is, but I want some. The idea of my abundance of tangled locks being so silky smooth and lustrous is just super.

Here’s Tilly’s Tresemmed tail. Look at that bounce!

Here I am admiring her.

I wonder if Kat would do this for me?

I did enjoy a fun half hour this morning letting her run round after me before I allowed myself to be caught. Perhaps I need to reconsider this kind of behaviour if I want to be Tresemmed like Tills…?

Anyway, seeing Tills, plus an abundance of roadside Dandelions, made our session today just about bearable.

Tills is very adept at being able to grab and munch on the go and she certainly came off many more Dandelions the happier than me today. I just seem to grab mouthfuls of fresh air instead…

As you can see below however, I took full advantage of an ‘official’ grab and munch stop.

UPDATE: Since writing the above, Kat has Tresemmed my tail!!! Check me out below.

I was very pleased until she said it was a good job my tail was so voluminous as my bum would look monstrous otherwise.

Can someone find me a new human please?

Until next time.



The Loo Roll Crisis

So, here’s a turn up for the hoof. On our training session today Tills and I discovered we might not be going on our trail riding holiday in May.

Apparently, there’s some kind of human crisis in the world and it’s got something to do with loo rolls.

So, instead of going on holiday and riding us all day, every day for 3 whole days, turns out the plan is to stay at home – and ride us all day, every day, for 3 whole days.

And, instead of carrying their underwear and toothpaste we are going to be carrying their food. If the lengthy deliberations on what to take are anything to go by, there will be much of it.

Anyone would think they’re using food to make up for the disappointment of not going on holiday… Who would do that?

They’re also planning on bringing G & T to these holiday substitute day rides. I don’t know who G & T are, but I reckon our group of 4 is fine how it is. Then I found out G & T could fit in the saddle bags, so they must be really small. I just hope they don’t cause us any bother – me and Tills have enough to cope with already with our humans.

Eventually Kat and Sara had to stop wittering on about food and riding us into the ground, and just focus on riding us – it was cold and blustery, so Tills and I were on high alert.

You can see my blond locks being blown about below.

The noise of the wind always pushes us closer to flight mode in case it stops us hearing predators creeping up. Then the leaves and branches blowing around need closer inspection than usual – just to make sure they’re the only thing moving about.

On this blustery outing we also went past the Donkey Derby field. This is where two cheeky Donkeys like to run along the fence line of their field while me and Tills go past.

I haven’t got any photos of them to show you as Kat is always too busy trying to stop me joining in the Derby. It’s quite fun as it’s a very long field…

This is Tills having a good drink while we’re out. Drinking from puddles is a key criteria for being a fully qualified trail riding horse. I personally avoid them – wouldn’t want to encourage Kat too much.

So, the loo roll crisis. Apparently, humans won’t be able to hang out with each other but they’re okay being with their animals (shame, a nice sabbatical from training would have been lovely).

Humans have also stopped using the big metal birds for travel and there isn’t as much human goings on in general.

Horses are deeply intertwined with nature and we can feel her breathing a sigh of relief for this temporary pause in human activity.

In-fact, we can just feel her breathing.

Stay safe and well humans – we need you for our soggy grassy munchies.


F x

The Shoot Creature

There wasn’t a dull moment on my last trail riding training session with Aunty Tills.

We negotiated icy roads, waited at a red light on a stick, waded through deep water, and scrambled up a rocky path. Then we met The Shoot…

trail ride with horse
  • trial riding
  • trail riding horse on track

Coming home from this action-packed 10-mile session (yes, I agree, it is a very long way for my wonderfully hairy but unfortunately very short legs) we heard some loud, continuous boom, boom, bangs. Kat and Sara said it was The Shoot.

The others didn’t seem too worried but I was. What was this loud scary Shoot creature that was booming and banging all around us? The noise was so loud, I reckoned it was either very large or very close. Or both!

I began to, what can only be described as, run on the spot. I didn’t want to leave Tills, but I needed to be good and primed in-case I had to hot-hoof it. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted something.

It must be The Shoot, coming for us!!!!

Well, that was it for me. I did what any horse keen on staying alive would do. I ran.

Every last inch of me, right to the tips of every hair on my extremely hairy body, said RUN NOW!!!!!! Kat’s yell down my ear and Tilly hot on my heels only bolstered my need to instinctively run. Faster.

After a few seconds I realised Tills wasn’t behind me any more and that my head had been pulled sideways making a forward projection somewhat difficult. It also seemed that The Shoot creature was gone, so, I let Kat slow me down.

When Tills caught up she asked what in the blazing green grasses was I playing at? Was I really hearing her right? Hadn’t she seen The Shoot creature coming for us? And, shouldn’t she be thanking me for getting all four of us to safety with my speedy hot-hoofing?

Apparently not. And, what follows is a tad embarrassing, but, let’s not forget, I am only 5 going on 6.

Turns out The Shoot, was a bunch of humans playing with something called guns and, what I saw out of the corner of my eye was just humans perched on those two wheeled contraptions called bikes.

I would point out that we horses don’t do things like this for fun or to scare our humans so they don’t ride us any more. Although, that is grassy munchies for thought…

No, we are genetically wired to instinctively run when our fear and adrenaline levels spike. There is no conscious thought process; it’s simply a primal act to stay alive.

Once she could speak, Kat said we just need to keep working together so my trust in her as Leader grows. Then, eventually, my instinct will be to turn to her, instead of letting the fear take over every inch of my extremely hairy body.

She also said if I ever did that again she would ban hay cobs for a month and reduce my soggy grassy munchies to one a week.

I’d better start working on my trust issues.


F x

Tricks, Frippery and Terrys Chocolate Orange

Hello and Frosty Grassy Munchies to one and all.

This morning I pulled every trick out of my hairy feathers to avoid being head collared and ridden by Kat.  

Me and my pals were happily topping up our hay levels with a lovely new bale when I caught her out of the corner of my eye.   

She was striding across the field, armed with the head collar and that ‘we’re going riding’ manner.  It’s very different to the ‘I’m just here to give you your lovely soggy grassy munchies, a good scratch and be on my way’ walk.  

Well, I’m sorry, but I just wasn’t feeling it today.  However, I did want my breakfast.  It was a situation that required quick thinking on my hoofs and a good deal of my resourceful stealth and cunning.

Kat waited at the gate with my breakfast but I stood my ground in the middle of the field.  Eventually, she bought the bucket to me; still armed with the dreaded head collar and making a lousy attempt to hide it.  Really?  With my 6 senses am I actually going to be fooled by the old head collar round the back trick?

 Anyway, my nifty technique involved circling the bucket just out of her reach.  With my mouth as wide open as possible, I would take a swift and stealthy dive at the bucket and grab as much grassy soggy munchies as possible.  I then quickly hot hoofed it out of her reach and continued with the circling.  This proved quite successful.  For about 3 decent mouthfuls.  

Kat then switched position and barred the access to my breakfast.  Can I just repeat that.  MY breakfast!   Every time I tried to get to it, she kept blocking me.  So now she was circling the bucket!  This really was turning into a right old debacle. 

Not one to be defeated, I eventually found an opening and went in.  I was just managing to get some pretty decent mouthfuls when WHAM, head collar was on.  Foiled!  How in the blazing green grasses did that happen!?

Between you and me though, I am quietly optimistic about being able to improve this cunning trick and have stored it up my extremely hairy feathers for another day.   

For this day I had to accept defeat and off we went to meet Aunty Tills. 

We had a long ride through the woods in a really cold wind, but as usual we were kept moving and got nice and warm.  

I could happily bet all the blades of grass in my field that Kat will dismount as soon as we get into these woods and have a not so discreet loo stop.  This usually happens after our first vigorous trot and today was no exception. Sara says Kat has a bladder the size of a Terry’s Chocolate Orange.  I tend to agree, although I have no idea what one is. Or who Terry is.

Contemplating Terry
Aunty Tills admiring the view – or the grassy munchy opportunity

 When we got back to my field I was poised for the ‘you’re such a good clever girl, here have a lovely hay cob’ moment when up the road came this lot! 

They were adorned with such impressive sparkly frippery and finery and off to something called The Pub.  I reckon I might have been a bit more obliging earlier on if Kat had got me an invite to this Pub and dressed me up all shiny and sparkly.  I think she really needs to do better and consider my feelings a bit more.

Only thing I get to show off is a muddy bottom – it’s really not good enough

I must admit though, once I was back in the field, I soon forgot all about the frippery and finery and had the most glorious roll in the mud.

I then set about making up for the last 3 hours with some vigorous hay munching – and plotting how to triumph next time with the head collar avoidance trick. 


F x

New Boots

Frosty Grassy Munchies all!

So, the most unexpected thing happened to me today.

After the usual half hearted de-mud rigmarole Kat put some contraptions on my feet! She said they were new boots and I looked very cute in them.

CUTE? Really! I’m one of the finest, hairiest Cobs in the area. Cute just doesn’t really cut it.

She also said I would need them when I was on the trail, all day every day. We need to talk about that.

Anyway, I was a bit unsettled about this boot business. I have NEVER in my whole 5 long years had anything put on my feet. My feet seem to work just fine as they are – as feet.

But, being the tolerant, good natured kind of a Cob I am, I decided to go along with it.

Not much harm has come to me since I’ve been with Kat so hopefully this was, at worst, just a bit more of her oddness. Nothing new there mind.

Off we went to meet Aunty Tills. First thing I noticed was I made this wonderful clip clop sound on the road. It made me feel quite the grown up.

I had a training session with my friend, Monkey, the other week and she made a fantastic clip clop sound. It was very impressive, so I asked her what her secret was. She told me it’s the metal they put on her feet and it stops them getting sore when she walks on the road. I asked her how did she feel the road and she told me she didn’t and that’s why it doesn’t hurt.

Well, this prompted a great deal of pondering on my part I can tell you.

I just love to feel the ground under my feet, but yes, sometimes it does hurt when you step on a stone in the wrong place. Perhaps this boot idea of Kat’s wasn’t so bad after all?

Tilly wasn’t impressed and asked what in the blazing green grasses did I have on my feet. Bit rude.

To be honest I still wasn’t really sure at that point so I just mumbled something about them making a nice clip clop sound and didn’t she like the black shiny strap that went round my foot?

We both caught Kat and Sara chattering about trying some out for Till. Over my dead body she whispered to me. Think they missed that bit.

As the training session went on I started to quite like them and found I could still feel the ground, but the stones didn’t hurt any more. Kat certainly seemed pleased with them and me, so there were a few hay cob treats and grassy munchies.

This is me and Tills being allowed to have some grassy munchies on route. Tills really is a master of this craft. She can grab a mouthful of grassy munchies without breaking a stride. I have been trying to copy her technique but I just still end up with fresh air in my mouth and a branch in my eye. More practise needed I think.

So back to the business of boots. All in all I think I would allow Kat to put these on me again. I loved the clip-clopping and no more ouchy stones. Between you and me though the black shiny strap was my favourite bit.

I wonder if Tills will be wearing them next time we meet? Good luck to her human that’s all I can say.

GMFN (Grassy Munchies for Now)

F x

Sparrow Farts, Mud and Teenage Angst

Grassy Munchies all!

So this morning I had a trail riding training session with Aunty Tills and our humans. I say ‘this morning’, it was pitch black when Kat dragged me out of the field, away from my Grassy Munchies (well actually it was Hay Munchies..)

I was nicely plastered in mud, sleepily having a good old munch with my pals and all of a sudden there she was, blind siding me as usual with the old Hay Cob bribery trick.

Next thing I know my mud is being removed and my tack put on. Well, some of my mud. My bum hasn’t been clean for weeks. Doesn’t she realise I’m 15 years old in human years. I’m at a sensitive time in my life when I would really like to be making a different public statement other than ‘hey, check out my new bottom mud’. Still, Kat doesn’t seem to mind and I suppose the look could even catch on.

My muddy bum – it’s white under all this mud!

Kat and Sara call these early rides ‘Sparrow Fart’ rides. Apparently because it’s the time the Sparrows are waking up and letting out a little ’emission’ to announce their awakening… I simply call them ‘a right pain in the muddy bum’.

Teenagers need their rest. If she continually insists on dragging me away from my sleepy munchies time like this, then she is running the risk of conflict. Just saying…

I did feel a bit of conflict rising to the surface this morning when I realised we were taking the longer route home.

I mean we’re horses for gods sake; safety, companionship and food is at home. How does it make sense to go straight past the short route home in favour of the long one? So I offered up this suggestion – well actually I just decided to stop and not move until she listened to me. She didn’t. And we had to do the longer route. Harumph!

To be honest though, I did quite enjoy today’s Sparrow Fart ride. We had a nice fast blast along a grassy track. I really couldn’t keep up with Aunty Tills. Maybe that’s why they call her The Train?

Tilly The Train (just before she splattered me with mud)

Both Kat and Sara get very giggly when we have these fast blasts. I quite like them myself. Although I did gain a few extra layers of mud that Tills spattered my way from her back feet.

Once we finally got back home I was able to top up my mud levels with a lovely roll. I have seen some horses with strange blankets on their backs and wonder how they manage without being able to participate in this wonderful pastime. I really hope Kat doesn’t put a blanket on me.

I love feeling all the elements on my extremely hairy body and being allowed to let my own amazing physiology (yea, bet you didn’t know horses knew words like that did you!!) regulate my body temperature.

And, I do rather like to see Kat huffing and puffing over trying to de-mud me. Although I think she’s given up with my bum.

Until next time – Happy Grassy Munchies

F x