Divided and Discombobulated

Our little herd has been divided. Aunty Tills has been taken from us and put in a tiny field on her own.

I can see her. I can hear her. But I can’t touch her.  It’s all rather discombobulating. 

The only benefit to this enforced separation is that I’ve got Jack all to myself.  This has been nice, but between you and me the honeymoon period might be over…

He’s only really interested in one thing

He’s not a patch on Tills in the grooming department and he’s a bit of a wussy when it comes to rain.  I think this is where my ample rear becomes dual purpose; easy on the eyes and an effective weather shield.

Tills was taken away from us because something called Laminitis made her hooves painful.  Kat said this was because the Autumn grass was too much and too sweet because the weather is too wet and too warm.   

My first reaction was ‘what exactly is the issue here?’  More sweet lush grassy munchies for all; hurrah, in we go!

But, if I’m honest, it didn’t feel quite right to have Springtime grassy munchies in Autumn.  And, it certainly wasn’t right that our lovely Tills had to pay such a high price for the pleasure. 

Our Aunty Tills with poorly hooves

Both Jack and I can feel Tilly’s focus changing from pain to impatience at not being with us, so she must be feeling a bit better!  I have shouted across the fields that we’ll be reunited soon but I haven’t shared the alarming truth of grassy munchies.

To be honest, I’m still trying to process the fact that my greatest pleasure has caused harm to my greatest friend. Kat said if it makes it easier for me I can blame humans, entirely. 

I have. It does.  

Safe GMFN 


Demon Dentist

I was subjected to the most shocking treatment recently. 

On the day in question, Kat came and fetched me from my field – usual enough.  Then she dumped me in a stable – unusual and something definitely a hoof.

Of course I was right.  We horses are, after all, gifted with at least 50 senses and not the 6 primitive humans have to make do with.

A human called Dentist then arrived and immediately got my forelock up as she thought I was a ‘he’.  What is it with these humans called Vet and Dentist, don’t they know a bodacious babe when they see one?

I was just launching my objections about this unforgivable error of judgement, when that all too familiar sharp stab came in my neck, followed by that all too familiar feeling of needing to sleep.  Urgently..  

This is when things got a bit blurry.  It felt like a big metal contraption was put over my head, my mouth cranked open as wide as possible and my (very heavy) head flopped onto a smooth, flat small tree. 

Dentist then transformed into some kind of blinding light demon with long metal sticks for arms that were loudly grinding away at my teeth! In the holy name of Pegasus and all that’s green, this couldn’t be real, I must be dreaming!

Apparently not!

Kat told me it was necessary for me to have the Demon Dentist so my teeth and mouth didn’t get too sore – poppycock!  She then said having my teeth all nice and smooth meant I could eat well – mmmmmhhh.  

Then she suggested Jack might appreciate my pearly whites and they would go well with my blond bodaciousness.  Why didn’t she say! Some things are worth enduring.

She then said it was time to shake a fetlock and go back to the field.  Give me a minute I said; I can’t move. Plus, I’d quite like to straighten myself up a bit before Jack sees me…


F x

New Manedo

Look at me!!

Not only have I got a new swanky manedo, but a great discovery has been made. My legs!

I’d always thought my legs were made of hair so you can image my alarm when Kat told me she was going to clip them off.  Alarm turned to delight though as my actual real (and rather shapely) legs were revealed.

Kat said my new look would make me cooler.   I couldn’t agree more; a proper hip girl about the field.

It’s not a moment too soon either as Jack has been getting a bit too friendly with Dolly for my liking.  It’s all kat’s fault for dragging me and Tills away on the second Custard Cream Trail a few weeks back.  I know exactly the kind of ‘comforting’ Dolly would have offered Jack to take his mind off pining for us. 

My Rival – don’t be fooled by her demure appearance

I’m sure you’ll all agree I have the edge now though.  Surely nothing can stop him falling head over hoof for me now!  

Kat also told me I need some time in the school.  I’m a bit confused about this as I thought only human foals went into the school place.   

Apparently, I need lessons in how to listen better to Kat and stop making my own decisions.  Between you and me, my listening skills are top notch and I’ve actually saved our lives plenty of times by ignoring her poppycock and taking the initiative.   

Only the other day, I got us out of a very sticky situation when we had to ride past a herd of cows and one big as a mountain Bull.  Kat’s request to casually stroll past without a care in the world was simply absurd so I put on my best turn of hoof and saved the day, as usual.  

Needless to say I wasn’t thanked for my quick thinking and fortitude. 

I really think she needs to remember I am Horse and escaping death is my bag.  She can stick to new manedos and helping me get Jack back under my hoof where he well and truly belongs.


F x

From Tree to Bush

In the holy name of all that’s green, I’ve only gone and moved fields. Again.

I asked Kat why I was being moved from tree to bush yet again. She said I was enjoying the ‘eat all your can buffet’ too much at my old field and was getting too big.  Again.

Kat is always forgetting I’m 50% hair and actually trim as a pin underneath.

On the plus side, I’m now sharing a field with Aunty Tills and her best friend Jack – a very fetching fella who has a bit of the Murray magic going on, except in ginger.


Meeting Jack!


The Magical Murray

I never met Murray, but he can still get us females all of a dither, even from beyond the bridge.

Cassie is also in my new herd. She used to be my previous herd leader at the ‘eat all you can buffet’ field and it’s clear she holds the same status here as well.

I am following all the basic new herd member rules, but she won’t let me in – or anywhere near Jack. I think she might feel threatened by my extreme hairiness.


I mean, Cassie is looking good for the more mature lady, but she doesn’t have the kind of voluminous lustrous locks that I happily possess. 



It’s going to be a tough group to crack all round to be honest – they are very tight. Tills and Jack practically share the same grassy munchies and threesome grooming sessions are common.


Tills and Jack sharing grassy munchies

I am determined to be accepted though as my safety and sanity depends on it.

I cannot be truly safe from predators left out in the cold on my own and I cannot be truly sane without any friends to share mutual grooming with and general grumblings about our humans.

Plus, I kind of like the idea of a threesome with Jack.

Until next time.


F x

The Violation of My Belly Beard

I feel like I’ve been violated.

I can’t even muster up a happy grassy munchies today.

I’m utterly devastated. My luxurious and beloved belly beard has gone. A lady called Heather used a small zuzzy zuzzy machine to cut it all off.

Not just my beard either, but my chest hair too!

There was no consultation. No permission requested. It’s going to be a long road back from this for me and Kat. I need time. And a lot of treats.

To make the hairy matter worse, as I was leaving the so called ‘horse salon’ there was poor Aunty Tills waiting to go in after me!

I’m not one to gloat, but her belly beard isn’t (wasn’t!) a patch on mine, so I’m hoping her experience won’t be as traumatic.

When I’d regained my composure, I asked Kat what in the blazing green grasses did she think she was doing?

She said there was a little bit too much of me for January and she was worried there would be far too much of me by Spring, when really there needed to be a lot less of me.

Uhh? I think she means I’m overweight!

I asked her why horses in the wild weren’t defiled in this callous and inconsiderate manner. She said they don’t have any zuzzy zuzzy machines and they’d probably have trouble working them with their hoofs if they did.

Is she mocking me?

She also said they don’t necessarily have the same weight problems as domestic horses. This was because they can roam 20+ miles every day and eat dry grasses which aren’t as rich and sugary as the lush grass in our field.

Kat said our grass in Spring time is particularly high in sugars which can result in obesity and Laminitis. I had no idea what these were so, at this point, I started to listen – whilst retaining an air of frosty indignation, of course.

Obesity is when you get so overweight it can make you poorly and Laminitis is a very painful and serious disease of the hoof and foot. In severe cases it can lead to that final trip over The Bridge. Apparently, the high sugars and starch in rich Spring grass are one of the causes of Laminitis.

To reduce this risk, Kat said it would be better if I use the current ‘more of me’ to keep warm during the rest of Winter, instead of my ample belly beard and chest hair. That way, there will be just the right ‘amount of me’ when Spring arrives.

And, as an added bonus, I won’t drip so much with sweat after our trail riding training sessions. Bit rude.

After some grassy munchy ponderings, I decided I could understand why Kat had done it and, if she’d asked permission, I would have said over my extremely hairy dead body.

Kat doesn’t need to know that though. I’m happy for her to think I’m still grieving for my belly beard and need considerable time to recover from her betrayal. Plus, a lot more hay cobs. And, maybe a few weeks holiday from training. That might just bring me round.


F x